There are a plethora of life lessons and quotes that dictate the importance of learning through the toughest possible means. One such scenario where life puts forward tough love is when on meets failure or defeat. It is a time period when juggling with negative emotions grabs all the attention, sending positivity back stage.
Failure and defeat are synonyms. However, defeat has a deeper connotation to it. It involves a state of failure that results as someone else struts away what you placed value upon. It is the time when you feel de motivated alongside a tinge of depression for not being able to achieve what you aimed for. With a low mood and low confidence, you find yourself in a spot where someone else can boldly state to be better than you.
What Do You Lose?
Imagine that you have taken part in one of those famous cook offs. You have reached the final stage of the competition. For the grand finale you put in every effort and idea and felt like you outdid yourself. However, somehow the odds go against you and you end up securing the second place. Even though you are better than the other candidates in the competition, climbing your way to the finals, it will still feel like defeat.
When you come face to face with defeat, only then you see and feel all that you lose. It feels like a hard blow on the confidence, sense of self, dreams and the like. You withdraw and detach from your social life for a while as you feel hopeless in multiple ways. All in all, it feels like you failed an exam in the subject of life, for which you pulled several all nighters.
Hunting For The Positive
Buried under the avalanche of negative feelings, there will be some who will find a reason or two to be happy about. Somehow or another, they will dig out a treasure chest of positivity from under the heaps of negativity. Known as the effort of looking at the brighter side of everything, these are the individuals who can be categorized as the ‘Sweet Victors.’
The Sweet Victory
Victory in itself is not sweet in taste. Analogically victory is not the taste; rather it is the achievement of an entire sugar mill. So when you are a winner, you do not taste victory, you take the source of the happiness and the sweetness home. It is the defeat that you can transform into a sweet victory with ease. To bring about the change in perspective, it is important to arm yourself with two things: acceptance of defeat and some inspirational quotes and adages.
Only a bigger person accepts defeat. It is not easy to say self soothing statements to the self when something shiny is swept away by a competitor. To accept defeat you have to be congruent and believe in the process of learning through your mistakes. In psychology, one of the primary aims of a humanist therapist is to teach their client self acceptance.
When you learn to accept yourself, you also accept your limitations and weaknesses. Indirectly that allows you to see yourself as an individual who is not perfect. Without the OCD tendencies, you are giving yourself the room, the space and the lenience to face defeat. When you accept defeat, with all your heart and not just by putting on a brave face while weeping on the inside, you emanate a heroic aura.
Rule of Thumb for Accepting Defeat
You will accept defeat if the following are applicable to you:
Strong Sense of Self
It is the feeling of knowing that no adverse event can shake your idea of yourself. You know you are successful in many areas of life and one odd event cannot overshadow the other positives.
Being Above Trivial Complexes
If you engage in blame game and try to seek emotional refuge by finding a back to load the burden of defeat on, it indicates some sort of complex that you might have. Taking your share of a failure indicates that you have an eager interest in growing and learning as an individual.
Not Wanting To Be Perfect
The mind of a perfectionist is complex as they set the bar too high for themselves. Beating oneself to a point where you feel the bad kind of anxiety is not only unhealthy for the self esteem, but also for the physical and mental health. When your aim is not to be perfect, rather to carry out a task or activity with passion and commitment, you are likely to accept defeat in a constructive fashion.
Adages for a Sweet Victor
Did you know that there are many individuals who live by certain adages in life? They make these sayings and small phrases the rules of their lives. These become the labels of one’s life. In the matters of victory and defeat, here are certain sayings that might provide you with a fresh perspective:
A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else ~John Burroughs
John clearly states that in the act of shrugging off the blame, you actually transform into a true failure. You will never see a leader being scoffed at if he accepts that he did not lead his team right.
If you learn from defeat, you haven’t really lost ~ Zig Ziglar
Learning from ones mistakes or failure is the purest form of learning, as Zig points out. If you have never met with failure or defeat that means you never really tried to take any healthy risk in life.
Remember that failure is an event and not a person ~ Zig Ziglar
Once again Zig Ziglar emphasizes on the importance of failure. Here he beautifully states that one single defeat or one single unsuccessfully event does in no way define your entire existence. You remain who you are, your competence and other positivity remains constant.
All in all, you are the only one who holds the rein of your life. Following a defeat, you can pull yourself together see sweet victory or you can just act like a sore loser.